My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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