shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
