i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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