What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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