i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize