I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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