You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
