Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
