Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize