I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
