forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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