We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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