Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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