Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
