So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
