What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
