i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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