I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
