You can't special order awesome
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
