Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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