I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.