I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Life is so much better after having sex.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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