is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.