the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
two words...techno handjob
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
