if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
