was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You made out with two different species that night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize