homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
