It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
