do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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