So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni