I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE