Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it