I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done