Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
