thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
