dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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