I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
