oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
