I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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