this boner is exhausting
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
