Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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