I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
