Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
