Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
