I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
