i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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