just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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