Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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