Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
