You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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