So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dicks are not precious.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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