This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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