my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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