There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
