so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize