im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
