Swine flu. Run for my life!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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