If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
