Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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