I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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