he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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