it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
