Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
