Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
