The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
