I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
